UMMMM
I'M SEEING PATRICK WOLF IN TWO DAYS.
WHATWHATWHATWHAT

fuck I have nothing to wear.

HAAAAAAALP.

http://www.mymodernmet.com/profiles/blogs/john-galliano-rocks-christian

Oh dear god, that first dress. I have just died and gone to heaven. GIMME!

http://twitter.com/amandawetzstein


I NEED A FUCKING JOB THAT ACTUALLY GIVES ME HOURS.
Fuck my life.
=[

Back in New Orleans. It's nice. I was in such an amazing mood today. The sun was out, the weather was perfect, I was back with my best friends. Being home was nice, but I love this place so much.
I got to see everyone I wanted to except for Gabby. Being home has also made me re-evaluate some things and confirmed other decisions. It's interesting what going away and growing up does to you. Some people never grow up.
I'm tired so I'm about to pass out. I'm going to wear a pretty sun dress tomorrow that I got while I was home! Yay :)

Words cannot express how much I love The Veils. I am so happy that I found this band way back when, I honestly can't remember when I found them, I just remember downloading them on a whim and then going out and buying all of their music, hahah. Maybe it's been a little over two years, three years?
It's rare that any band/artist speaks to me so much that I will actually go out and buy their CDs. That being said, I am listening to the new album right now and I fucking love it. I did buy a copy, but I couldn't stand to wait. It's different but, so far, so good. I think they've progressed in an awesome way, which doesn't always happen. Some people won't like it but chances are those people suck.

Dear Veils, please be my bffs.
Now...to see them live. It would be wonderful to see them in New Orleans, but there's hoping they make it to New York during the summer. I would actually die from happiness.

I should go study for my midterms. But really listening to the Veils just makes me want to be a rock star. Aw.

I'm not sure if I like who I am. And it's weird but, people are always trying to define themselves. People are always trying to carve an identity, people are always telling themselves who they are. They are always telling people who they are, what they are like. It sucks, though, because you're not the one in control. You are always defined by other people. Who you are is defined by the people around you.

Of course Amanda Palmer comes to my city when I am home for spring break. AHHHHH.

In other news, it's Carnival tyyyme. YEAHH. I am too lazy to post pictures.

http://picasaweb.google.com/Amanda.Wetzstein/NewOrleansFreshmanYearKreweDuVieuxAndAssorted#

OH.
MY.
GAAAAAAAAAAAHD.

Freaking out here, in a good way.
Just got back from the city and I swear to god, the people at Devachan work MIRACLES!

They are a salon based in NYC that specializes in curly hair. My hair has never looked this good, holy shiiiiiiiiiiit.





No fancy anything, this is my natural hair.

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In other news, life is pretty good. I go back to New Orleans on Sunday, at the asscrack of dawn. Expect lots of whining from JFK =p

I'm going to this new Vietnamese restaurant with my parents tonight, and dinner with my aunt, uncle, and cousins tomorrow. I'm really, really, excited to go back and see all of my budsss. ;)

I go back to school on the 11th. It can't come soon enough. I really have this strange aching feeling, it's weird to miss so many people this much!

But I've been seeing people here, generally being a slob and doing nothing.

I am excited for Mardi Gras (MY FIRST), not so excited for the shitload of work ahead of me.

I am planning to do London and Paris for next New Year's, assuming of course that my friends pull through on this one.

I saw Gogol Bordello the other night. We got in for free because my friend knew the girl working the door. Yes, awesomeee! Such a good show. I am envious of their passion
I feel like I've lost my passion. I've gotten lazy. I feel like I've lost myself, I've lost the fire. I want to start reading a lot again, taking photos, being creative.

I think I am an extrovert in the very classic sense of the word. I have a very low natural arousal level, is that the word I'm looking for? As in, I need constant stimuli, though I do like being alone sometimes. I've always had a wide and varied circle of friends even though I'm close to my family.

In other news, I saw Spring Awakening yesterday, and I LOVED IT. Oh my god, soo good. My favorite Broadway play to date, I think. It's such a shame that all these plays are closing, I really should have taken advantage of Broadway being so near.

It's too bloody cold here in New York. I think New Orleans has made me soft. :D

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Filled with love and cheer.
Things are so strange and wonderful.
Who ever thought life would end up this way?

Merry Christmas.

Just watched Y Tu Mama Tambien for the first time. I liked it.

I'm feeling a bit restless. I miss New Orleans.

Nothing much has been going on so far this vacation. Wrestling with old feelings, mostly. It's weirdly painful at times to be back home. I like to think that I didn't run away to New Orleans, but it's starting to feel that way.

Baked some cookies today, will hopefully send some of them out tomorrow.

I want to be in love, and not just the unrequited kind or the childish kind.

"I want the dead lovers of the world to hear our laughter and grow sad, I want a breath of our passion to stir their dust into consciousness, to wake their ashes into pain."

Going to visit my cousin and her family tomorrow. I am excited about Christmas, I just feel very isolated sometimes.

Just had the weirdest dream ever. I'm not lying, I actually dreamt this:
I was living in Nazi Germany. I was in some place, being detained, I don't know where or what for. Of course, I am German but I don't look "Aryan" in the least, I have dark hair and hazel eyes.
Some kind soul helped me gather my bag, and I slid out a window down this pile of gravel. Somehow I made it to this building, which I think was the only way out. As I was running through these places I remember calling my parents and yelling them how I was kidnapped and stuck here and I was going to die if they did not help me. I was so scared.
I got to the place, it was a futuristic type building with this weird monorail thing. I got on, and finally got to the lady at the desk, who reminded me of a cafeteria worker at my university.
She asked me for a passport and my heart dropped, because I had none. I asked her if anything else was okay, a credit card or something and she said no. I looked out the window and immediately shied away in case someone from the outside saw me.
She said, though, that if my parents wanted to make a donation that they could bring me somewhere where I would be reasonably safe. I asked her, will I be safe from him? She said well, as safe as you can be in the middle of nowhere.
So I accepted, thinking that my parents could somehow overnight me my passport.

....then the sound of my dad snowblowing woke me up. :)

“Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the softly falling snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain,
I am the fields of ripening grain.
I am in the morning hush,
I am in the graceful rush
Of beautiful birds in circling flight.
I am the starshine of the night.
I am in the flowers that bloom,
I am in a quiet room.
I am in the birds that sing,
I am in each lovely thing.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there — I do not die. ”

I like this. It's really beautiful and reflects my feelings about death. Morbid, yes, but I'm kind of a weirdo.
I'm home now and reminded why I left this place. It's boring as hell and very bleak in the wintertime. I saw Amanda today, which was nice, I gave her her present. Tomorrow I will hopefully see more friends. Will most likely be in the city this weekend.

I miss Tulane a lot. I love my friends here, and I adore the city, but I miss college so much. I am very scared about the upcoming semester. I think it will be a hard one. I just have to keep reminding myself that I can do it. I think.

Currently sitting in the New Orleans airport waiting to go home. It's dark out now, but it was 80 degrees today. New Orleans makes you love the humidity. It's like being in the womb, except you're wearing short shorts and your hair gets really frizzy.
Anyway, my flight is delayed 40 minutes about. Hopefully not much more than that.....but who knows with Jet Blue? Sigh. I just want to be home. I hear it's snowing there.

In other news, I think I threw out my back lol. Because I am a little girl and think I can lift things that I shouldn't. My suitcase is about ~55lbs and I forgot to lift from the legs. Oops. But when I get home Mommy will load me up with the good shit (my house is like a pill poppers dream, my parents hoard prescription painkillers, among other things).

I will miss NOLA but I am excited for the adventures ahead. New Year's plans are forthcoming. I am not sure what I want to do yet.

As always, I am excited for Christmas. Life is good, for the most part.

A friend said a funny thing to me the other day, "You are filled with so many emotions." I'm paraphrasing, but it was an astute observation. Maybe he meant it as a compliment.

"In the desert
I saw a creature, naked, bestial,
Who, squatting upon the ground,
Held his heart in his hand
And ate of it.
I said, “Is it good, friend?”
“It is bitter—bitter,” he answered;
“But I like it
Because it is bitter,
And because it is my heart."

- Stephen Crane
"The Heart"

Obama's speech actually moved me to tears.

We have a new president. Holy shit.

I am so, so happy.
I can hear fireworks, people screaming, cars beeping outside.

I had a dream last night that I was trapped in my house because a T-Rex was outside. He wasn't really doing anything, just lurking around and being scary. My mom and dad were acting like it was no big deal, as if the dinosaur was like a bee or something. And I figured, well, if he decides to eat me, at least it'll be over quick.
Then I woke up.
My mind is so fucking weird.

lol, I am so funny sometimes.

Listen: I am ideally happy. My happiness is a kind of challenge. As I wander along the streets and the squares and the paths by the canal, absently sensing the lips of dampness through my worn soles, I carry proudly my ineffable happiness. The centuries will roll by, and schoolboys will yawn over the history of our upheavals; everything will pass, but my happiness, dear, my happiness will remain, in the moist reflection of a streetlamp, in the cautious bend of stone steps that descend into the canal's black waters, in the smiles of a dancing couple, in everything with which God so generously surrounds human loneliness.